We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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