How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
