While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
