I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
