Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.