so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class