God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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