**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
