I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
