I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
