Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
