do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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