my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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