Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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