SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
