is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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