I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
