If i come over, it means nothing
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
