It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Randomize
