Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
