new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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