Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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