Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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