Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
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