Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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