Yo dont text me then not text me
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
