he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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