just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize