There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize