Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
