You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Randomize
