Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
