I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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