you thought your balls were fighting each other...
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
