My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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