I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
you inspire me to be a worse person
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
