addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
