His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
