R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
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