I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
