the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
