I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
