I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
