I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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