dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
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We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
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well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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