so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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