And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
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