All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
