She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
