I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Randomize
