i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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