It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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