worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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