I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize