sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
We left an ass print on the piano.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
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