She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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