I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
