Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Then you guys just all showered together...?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize