If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
