seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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