How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
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