Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Randomize
