Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
do herpes really smell.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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