Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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