You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I fill condoms, not promises.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
