omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
