Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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