so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Drunk is not a location!
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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