I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
