lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
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