People in love make me want to vomit
worst night to have a conscience
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
