3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
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