a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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